The forest hums with life all around me. I twirl about, gazing up at the canopy, searching for the birds that sing sweetly. The sun breaks through the cracks, lighting up the dirt path ahead of me, decorated with outgrown roots, wildflowers and fallen leaves that crunch beneath my bare feet. I trudge on, taking in the fragrance of minty grass and the damp earth. Each breathe is like water, fresh and cleansing, flowing freely into my lungs.
Autumn had finally decided to come around. The leaves had changed colors, lining the trees with speckles of orange, red and yellow. When the wind blew they came down, breaking delicately off of tree branches and fluttering down to earth like a colorful rain.
I never experienced grief this bad before. It all started when I lost my mother, my world and my hero. It sneaked up on me quietly and took me under its arms in an instant. Every memory played like a song in my head, repeating itself for what seemed like forever. I was lost mostly because I had lost a big part of me. I couldn't get that part back and I wanted it so bad as my life depended on it but it was all gone, vanished in thin air. I can't say it got better but it did get easier. At first, I thought grief was something bad that takes you ten feet under but soon I learned that it was just the price we had to pay for loving someone.
Me and Ed would be making the guy while Fiona chased any hedgehogs from our mountain of wood and sticks. That was the start of our Guy Fawkes Night; how we dreamed of that bonfire! We'd see the sparks in our dreams, feel the warmth of the glow long before sunrise. Those were happy days, or maybe that's the magic of time giving my memories a nostalgic sepia hue.
Once I’d reached the edge of the forest I stood in front of the tightly knit trees and stared deep into the darkness ahead as if begging permission to enter. Then I respectfully stepped into the massive realm of woodland, and from the first footfall the whole atmosphere changed. The ground was spongy, like walking on foam, and as I put my full weight down the earth seemed to hug my boots and gently release them with each step. Scent from the foliage, mixed with the dampness and decay, danced through the air and tickled my nostrils, and sprinkles of dew that were lying in wait leapt from their hosts to anoint me with weepy atoms, and cooled my face with their misty kisses.
His eyes were hues of the forest, surrounded with dark moss. It was the kind of earthy green that revives the grass after a cruel, unforgiving winter. Interwoven shades hiding the chaotic nature behind. Never before have eyes held such danger and beauty all at once. He was a wild fire: reckless, untamed, yet undeniably captivating.
I can't live without you, anymore. Without you, what is the purpose of my existence? If I will embrace you, I'll embrace my soulless self.
Because it is you. Only you. You are my life. You're my pain- you're my relief. You are my love.
What is your relationship with me, that I can't afford to stay a moment away from you? I live for you everyday, my time is devoted to you. No moment is a moment without you. Your name is etched on each breath of mine.
I have lived only for you; I am prepared to die for you. Your thoughts gave me the emotional support I needed in your absence. They took out the grief which presided in my heart, but now the melancholy has returned with thrice the effect.
You are my lucky-clover. I am content with you.
But all these years, that I've tried to stay away, tried to keep you safe from my evil clutches- they are heart wrenching. I can't endure the pain anymore!