General

My insomnia is at times a form of PTSD, when fears ignite the ghost I've otherwise laid to rest. It can come of excitement, of thoughts that want to keep dancing and not surrender their stage to the dreamscape. The time of it being caused by real fear, is gone, thankfully. We grow, we move on, we learn what is present, what is a shadow of the past and what is good.

General

There were nights I fell asleep only after being awake for longer than I could recall. It was the kind of sleep deprivation that is painful. I'd sleep for not very long and then awake as if I was breathing for the first time, as if my body was deprived of oxygen. I'd assumed that you couldn't die of insomnia and I had ruled out the idea of medications. As it turns out, you can. And I guess I could have. I'm very glad to still be here. The only way out is a complete and realistic assessment of what is stressing you out so very much. Almost all of biology is functional, so what is the function of insomnia? You are afraid. Your body and brain need to feel safe, to have solved enough of its problems, to sleep. You are in survival mode the same way as if a predator was stalking you. What is your predator? Or who? Or it is a combination of factors that add up to this effect? Figure it out, then make a plan, then do the plan, just change, get healthy.

General

Last night I was too excited to sleep, a small does of insomnia I guess, so today I'm jet-lagged without the joy of being someplace new.

General

Chronic insomnia is a red flag upon a red flag, for the brain is so much in pain that it feels it must keep on working to keep you safe. Your biology needs a reset, a reboot, time away from the stress. Trust me, I've been there. You have to find a way out to a better place, a more serene space, and heal.