General

The nicotine makes me function. I know I used to be just fine without it, but now if I don't get that fix I'm a bag of nerves, all jittery and snappy. I had a biology teacher explain it to me once, she said it mimicked a natural transmitter in my nerves so everything got faster, that's the buzz. But then my body makes less of the natural one to adjust back to the right level. Then when you stop the nicotine you don't function right for a while. Science is all well and good but once you're addicted that's that. My teeth and finger tips are yellow and I can't stop thinking about lung cancer, even while I'm taking a drag. But even before the packs empty I'm pulling on my boots regardless of the weather to walk to the newsagents. He's got my brand right behind the counter. Then I slide them into my pocket and pat it from the outside, I like to feel them there, it's soothing.

General

Swathed in the bindings of something so tart that soon is exchanged by something so smooth so sweet. The burn in my air ways are what I crave. I push aside the pain to feel the inclination that removes me from this world into a fantasy I felt I could never awaken from. Taking me to a world of hedonism and blissful indulgence. A substance that takes so many heavenly forms. Powder in my hand so supple so pure so pleasurable. Smoke that fills my lungs and blankets mind in rapture desire and satisfaction. When I awake I watch as my face crumbles before me like a once strong mountain face torn away by the elements into nothing but sand, only to be swept away by the ocean. I know I need the help. But it sings in such a lovely voice so I return to it relishing in its pleasure.

By chalcanthite, December 16, 2013.