Lost. Lost since before the season turned to fall. Now winter approaches and I can't find a sign of you, nothing to bring me home. I take in every detail no matter how small, any chance of finding your bread crumb trail is better than nothing at all. They say you're dead, that you've left us all here to rot. I won't believe it. I feel your love still and that can't be a lie. I just have to find my back to you somehow, find my way back to your arms.
I've been lost for so long it's what I'm used to, kinda like a person who gets used to being beat I suppose. It's not that I like it, quite the opposite. Being lost sucks. There's nothing more lonely, nothing that brings more desolation to the soul. I'll never stop looking, never let that small spark of hope become extinguished. You're out there somewhere, I know you are. Someone as good as you doesn't just disappear.
In the blizzard there was no way to know which direction to go, the usual landmarks were hidden behind the white that swirled so densely. Even Darlene's sister in front of her was little more than a crude outline of a human mostly erased by the storm. The soft crystals she would have found so bewitching from the other side of a pane glass, found their way into her jacket in every possible way. The packed down her neck and between the fabric that flapped at the front. She could feel her blood cool and her skin become icy. They shouldn't have come, not in this weather. Disorientation was a given; and the cold was a killer. She cried out for Amber to turn but the wind carried her voice faster than she could speak.The world was being erased around her, and she'd be with it if they didn't find shelter...
In that wasteland of white there was nothing for their minds to hang onto. There was no familiar sight, no sound other than the howling, even the light they needed to warm them was instead blinding and no match for the wind. Only the hearts beating in their chests stopped them from becoming as frozen as the landscape. When Lucy whirled around to at least see the tracks they had made, there were none. The only way to navigate was by the sun and in only a few hours it would sink below the horizon, leaving them shivering under the stars.
I can't move without a plant touching my skin. Everything I loved about this rainforest just this morning is elevating my heart rate and killing my logical thinking capacity. The sheer denseness of the foliage had made me feel cozied, like in all this space I could still be snug. The thousands of noises had crashed over me as refreshing as any waterfall, overriding my senses and setting my brain to the same chemical soup it was in when I fell in love with Sam. In that cocktail of endorphins I have wandered too far, now the closeness, the sameness, the noises are like robbers at the door, banging for entrance and the phone line is dead. My wide-open eyes move with pointless speed, I want to see blue sky and space all around - not these virescent arms that grope and lofty limbs that blot out even a patch of blue. Even the warm air, so reminiscent of saunas, has come to feel like soup in my chest. I would run but I don't know which direction to take...
I felt lost in his lies. The only thing that was there after searching for so long was betrayal. It slowly seeped in how much of a fool I had been, living in my own dream world. I floated away from the fake promises and reality until I was just a lost star.
The world is empty without your love. Sometimes I fear you are really gone, then your faint signal comes through, crackling on the old radio. Any way to hear you is good enough for me, some conformation that you're hanging on in there. We chose this, we chose to separate for the good of the mission but it hurts me every day, every day. Sometimes I reach my fingertips outward and feel them tingle. I wish we could be together, in the same dimension and time. This game has owned us for too long, my love. I am lost without you, so very lost. That must be what it means to be two halves, only with unity are we whole, only with unity are we found.
A boy wanders down the street. Tanya knows he's lost just by his t-shirt. No-one shows support for the Lions down here unless they want to get beat. She walks toward him all casual like she means to go right by him, but as she draws close she says, "Follow me." The boy has a look of fear in his eyes but he follows her all the way to the cross-roads. She crouches down and points. "Go left at the church and keep going two blocks. There's a cop shop down there. They'll see you right."
The world looks almost fake sometimes. Like the mountains and sky in the distance are a backdrop for a set. A green screen. I hate the places my mind can take me. The places that scream everything is plastic and nothing is real.
Pick a card, Any card.
Pick a life, Any life
But one behind the shades.
The man walking along the tracks
would not see her.
He would see a train, he would not see her.
It was a thinking train, but he was a thoughtless man.
From the caverns of the boy,
he picks the forgotten,
the White Dog, the bird,
the umbrella.
The woman is a shell of a former self,
From inside her, she picks a hollow Grief.
She picks the truth in its rawest form
Do not be choked by the dust.
Do not be blinded in the desert light.
Be an enemy of the human nature,
be an ally of assimilation, an ally of fright.
Close your lips, close your eyes.
Close your shades,
be blind to the outside.
The girl raises her heart in
her outstretched hands
holding its beat above the dust
searching for purpose along the tracks
From the depths of the girl
she picks out Courage.
Pick a card.
Any card.
She slips it out the window,
a piece of her life,
catching in the wind behind,
the thinking train.
Along the way of losing you, I found myself losing me too.