General

Devil: "You appear to want to get rid of your forests and fuck up your atmosphere, it's a strange way for a species to go, but sure, I'd be only to happy to assist. Fire and chainsaws are listed in my tinder profile turn-ons. Apparently humanity swiped right..."

General

Satan: "So, here's the thing. The universe forces a certain honesty on us all, even me. Your creator won't let me have any of you for eternity - me, I'd rather own than rent, you hear me? Any-who, I'm pressing for a deal whereby I get some of you on loan to flatten and wipe my ass with you for what will feel like an eternity. I think we're "paper friends," right? I recon if I start with some of the folks making the most money through the destruction of creation I might be in with a real chance? Wish me luck. You should, because for my end of the bargain I'll kill a few of the fat-cats right away. I believe in getting an early start; it's my work-ethic, what can I say? Any way, why wait when you can have it all today? And besides, I'm worth it."