I feel that family values are a thing you develop when you value your family - when they become what you most cherish beyond any material possession or vehicle for either positive self esteem or negative ego. Yet there are times when you must choose children over other relatives, and this happens more often when you are from a family of intergenerational trauma. That trauma changed the neurology of family members, and it altered the epigenetics too, it's a biological debt inflicted rather than personally earned, yet it is what I needed to figure out if I was to change the fortunes of my own children. I learned there are times to let go of bonds that have become too twisted to ever fix, that by doing so and putting all you efforts into the next generation there is a real chance to win. I think of it as if I am a sailing ship, perfectly balanced with my children aboard. Yet the other relatives insist on sitting all on one side causing a potential capsize. In reality, they have no need of my deck, they are perfectly able to sail away in their own boats. It's simply a matter of finding the courage to break away from them, from the past, and choose a future that has a future.