General

When you died they handed over your worldly goods as if I were a lucky girl to have so much. It came as a pouch of coins wrapped in velvet, a gold cord pulling the top tight. How heavy they were in my hand, how every eye turned my way in barely concealed envy. I don't want the coins, all they are is metal. I want you back, I want you back, I want you back. The tears are always there behind my smiling eyes, the longing never leaving my heart. There are days I want you here so much I think you are a passing stranger until my mind reminds me what this reality can and can't do. So I will take the coins and spend them in your name, each one is a gift like your love was to me. The coins will ransom the souls of so many, release them from the mean streets, bondage, cruelty. It breaks my heart that you can't be there to do this for yourself, but I hope you can feel the love that comes your way, the link that keeps me in good times and bad.

By Angela Abraham (daisy), September 22, 2015.
General

You were the best, the finest, the one I could rely on no matter what. You were the one who understood the true value of sunshine, the worth of a hug and a kind word. You walked so tall even when they beat you down, there is nobody who ever did it better. Then you were gone, taken. You never gave yourself up, I'm glad that you didn't. I think that would have felt more like abandonment, but that leaves only one conclusion. My love they stole your life to advance their own and stood on your bones as if they were gold, as if you meant them to have them.

Once they took your life you weren't there anymore, not in the still heart or closed eyes. Yet I find you every day, every moment I open my heart to feel. You are in what you loved - sunshine and kindness. You always were love and you still are. So though you haunt me, love, always stay near. Stay in the warm rays every day that I live, then it is I that will come to you, bringing my love, always.

By Angela Abraham (daisy), September 22, 2015.
General

In quiet moments you come to me, ghost-like, a shadow of who you were. When I am calm the spectre is kind, you laugh and I recall the times I felt like you loved me. But always there is the knowledge you never did. You gave me away like I was something you were glad to be free of, not caring how my story unfolded. In that cold stare, in the salty breeze that afternoon, you bade me farewell more coldly than a bank clerk and that's when I knew. If you feel it you can't hide it, but if you don't you can't fake it. Perhaps some can, or think they can, but there are always tells aren't there my love? Not that I needed to look hard. Your face was passive, untroubled at the parting. After all those years I expected more. You fought harder to keep the family dog, you get more upset at a grocery store error. So why do you still haunt me? I want to forget you but apparently that isn't my lot in life.

By Angela Abraham (daisy), February 5, 2015.
General

In the space that should be filled with your love - at my foundations, keeping my soul aloft - there is a void so black no light can penetrate. It is a wound that can never heal no matter how much salve is poured on. The best I can hope for is to shore up my mind with new loves and pray they never leave. Because if they do my house will fall like the tower of cards it is. Though I like to pretend the walls are brick held together with mortar, they are just card that gets damp in the rain and wobbles in the wind. I have you to thank for that, but I don't harbour bitterness. You are what you are, you see like a person who can never look past their own reflection. Of course you are the star of your world, you're the only one truly in there. Perhaps if my eyes were like that then I'd be just like you. But my eyes have always taken in the light from every angle, seen the detail you can't. So though I love you, I decline to be part of your life, you haunting me is plenty enough.

By Angela Abraham (daisy), February 5, 2015.
General

I can hear your voice even though I haven't seen you in years. I can remember the stupid things you used to say, all those catch-phrases, what did they all mean anyway? I found you annoying so often and you hurt me on purpose with that refined look of innocence you have. You pulled the wool over my eyes for years, telling tales of trauma and victimhood that never happened. I was the leading lady of all of your dramas until I glimpsed the curtains and the stage lights. I spotted the repetition of your themes, of your script. Really, you should have diversified more. But still you haunt me in ways I can never explain, never shake. I gave you my heart for free, but that shouldn't have made it worthless. It was priceless. There's a difference.

By Angela Abraham (daisy), February 5, 2015.
General

I recall how you walked over the earth, like the soles of your feet kissed it so lightly. You were my heaven, my haven, the only one who could see past my flaws to what dwelt inside. Wherever you were was home, your voice the only salve that could ever erase the hurt. Though you are gone I seek you still and I will persevere, always. I guess that means you haunt me, but only in ways I need to breathe, only in ways I need to keep this heart beating. I have beautiful days, I have love and I feel the warmth of the sun. To say "I wish you were here" sounds like some corny seaside postcard, but that's all I wish for, every day.

By Angela Abraham (daisy), September 22, 2015.
General

There are days I fill with chaos and noise to keep your ghost at bay. There are days I call to it, fearful to lose you all over again. Every time my heart cries out you come and my emotions swirl faster than child's spinning top. To feel you and only see an empty room, to reach out and only feel the cool air, shatters my heart all over again. Yet stay, please love, stay. I retreat to the chaos because my love is so strong it starts to break me in ways that are difficult to mend. So here I stand, between chaos and love, both of them hurting, both of them helping. The difference is I could be happy with just your love, whole and well, yet chaos alone would kill me. One day I will find the right road, the one that leads to your home and pray the door will be open.

By Angela Abraham (daisy), September 22, 2015.
General

Some would say I am a fool to keep yearning for your heart. I have reached out my hand, stretched my fingers into the sunlight in every season, hoping that yours would come from the shadows once more. There are days I almost hear your feet walking by my side, your soft words echoing in the trees, the way you used to laugh, though "giggle" might be a better word. I would care for you and consider it my honour; I would cherish you all the days we were blessed to be given; I would defend you with my life and love. So call me a fool and put the jester's hat on my head, I'll wear it with pride. I'll be a fool for your love anytime, anyplace, anywhere.

By Angela Abraham (daisy), September 22, 2015.