General

It was with you that my psychology first felt equal as a human being, as someone of intelligence and self worth. It's so very hard to for a woman to acquire that even in this age of so-called equality. In our fairytales and so many stories, as a girl, you are psychologically an annex of a father, a "prince" or other male figure. English makes it a challenge too, for we are "wo-man," and "fe-male," we are the "variation" and not worthy in our own right of a title. We are a "gift to men" rather than vice versa. We are so often defined by what we give others rather than as worthy in our own right as individuals - often as good wives, mothers and daughters. This type of belonging is only healthful when there is also capability for psychological and physical independence if required. Perhaps "lady" is a better word, yet that too comes with the burden of expectations rooted in an era of women as property. "Lady" also sounds similar to "laddie" - again sounding as if we are an annex of men, the variation. We don't call boys, "ungirls" - the mode of reference would be unhealthy. Women shouldn't have to battle to recover the kind of independence required for real psychological health and wisdom, to have society see us simply as human. We should be free to express our gender on our own terms, to find many divergent and beautiful ways to express ourselves and our sexuality. Perhaps new words and better role models would help.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent again, how very me! But on the day we met one other you unlocked that cage called "woman" and handed me my own keys. I guess all it took was for someone I respect to show me equal respect. I can't believe its taken so long to meet someone like you. So now, I'm free to sit next to you, to stay as a friend, to become whatever we want to become. I think the uncomfortable truth is, we can only have true loving bonds when we are free to walk away. Isn't it "who holds the door key" the distinction between a home and a prison?

By Angela Abraham, @daisydescriptionari, February 27, 2020.